Bad Customer Service or How to lose a customer in 3 steps

So, I saw on facebook couple weeks back, this gift. My boy, G-Money, was having a birthday. His favorite sports team is the NY Jets. (No, seriously. Go figure.) Anyway, for his birthday, his fiance (who I have oft said is way out of his league, but, up until this point, I was speaking physically.) apparently wrote to Rex Ryan (Head Coach of the NY Jets and personal hero of fat people everywhere, for the uninitiated.) and got him to sign a picture of himself which she then framed and gave him. What a seriously fucking awesome gift, amirite? So, as usual, I had to find a way to make this about me. Best I could come up with was, that I never give gifts like that. And, we all know that my wife deserves gifts like that, so I got a little guilty and resolved to find a way to be more thoughtful like that.

Anyway, come Monday, I get my weekly email from the Valleycats. It tells you all about what's coming up for them, promotions and what not. And, `lo and behold, Wednesday (tonight) is 'Bat Boy Appreciation Night.' Complete with a Bobble Head of Charlie, The `cat's long time bat boy. (Dude apparently passed 300 career games this season. Which is impressive because the Valley Cat's only play like 7 games a year.) Now, not only am I fighting off my 750+ lifetime hours of Fallout 3 (MUST. HAVE. BOBBLEHEAD.), but it is a little known fact that my wife LOVES Charlie. He is her favorite part of a trip the ValleyCat's games. She cheers for him, screams his name, even gives him good natured ribbing and boos when he runs behind the ump and doesn't quite pick up the ball on the first pass. I mean, she's like, a Charlie fan.

So, how awesome would a Charlie Bobble Head be as a gift? Best of all, it is one of those gifts you can hold in reserve, hid in the underwear drawer, until you fuck up and then whip it out. Like when she admired a wool blanket in Ireland but felt it too expensive, so I double backed, bought it, smuggled it home without her seeing and then hid in a drawer for more than a year, until the right time. So, I gotta get one of these bobble heads.

Problem. I don't have a car. Work has loaned me one but has found an excuse to take it away, leaving me stranded. Of course, they make some poor sap drive me home, but how do I get to the ball park. So I tell the dude this story and he's like, no problem, I'll run you by there. (Helps that it's only a mile and a half from my house.) Game is at 7, we leave work at 5:45 and I get there at like 6:10.

I look at the gate and I see no bobbleheads. So I go to a table at the front of the gate. It is a business advertising their services. They have 2 bobbleheads. I ask about them and they say, "Oh, you get them inside." So I turn to walk to the ticket window. I see a guy with three of them. I ask him and he tells me you get them inside. Ok, so I go to the ticket window. I say, I'd like a bobble head please. Can I just buy a cheap ticket to go in and get one? Sure, the lady says and sells me the cheapest ticket. $6. So I go over to the gate and give them a ticket and ask about a bobblehead. They take the ticket, scan it, rip it and say, "We're out." Wait, what? "Well, it's first come, first serve." And I'm like, "It's 45 minutes before game time." The lady points at the field, where the Valleycats are clearly playing and says, "It's a doubleheader." Apparently, yesterday's game is rained out, so they had a double header. And they gave out the bobbleheads at the first game. Despite the fact that they were clearly advertised for the 7 pm game.

OK, fine. Win some, lose some, right. I ask for my ticket back. The lady tells me I can't have it. Wait, what? WEll, they already scanned it. I indicate, politely, I thought, that this is immaterial to me. The lady's reaction seems to indicate that she is sensing some anger from me. Most people do not react well when I get angry, though anyone who knows me will tell you that there is no real reason for that. Anyway, they find a way to piece my ticket together and give it back to me. I go back to the ticket window, wait in the same line, so I get the same girl and tell her, They have no bobbleheads, can I get a refund? She consults with her supervisor, without any prompting, and then refuses the refund. Wait, what? I specifically said that I came for the bobblehead, you didn't tell me they were out, you guys gave them out early, clearly screwing me in my good faith attempt to get one, all of which is technically ok, until you WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK! She just shrugs, clearly indicating that she couldn't care any less with an effort of will. She offers me a voucher. I argue but neither the cashier or the supervisor gave a shit and they're behind bulletproof glass or whatever, so fuck me, right. Fine, give me the voucher.

I'm fuming now and I want to go over to the table with the company who have some and hit them up for it but I feel like it would lack class and I am too angry. So I just walk in place for a bit. Some dude in a Valleycats polo wanders over near me. I ask him if he is like a manager or whatever. He nods and I explain the situation. He asks if I don't want to watch the game. Not tonight, I have to get up at 3 am for work. (True story. #fml x4.) He explains that I can upgrade the voucher. (He doesn't note that this weekend, which I cannot make, is the last Friday/Saturday games of the season. So I'm looking at a Thursday/Sunday game or the voucher is a really fucking expensive note card.)

I explain that it's kind of crap. Cause it is. It's fine that there is no bobblehead for me. Life's like that. But neglecting the refund is just plain bad service and injustice. It is a shitty thing to do to someone and it is even worse customer service to try and hide beyond some rule or policy, like you don't have the power to take care of your customers. If the employees of the organization are not authorized to deal with customers fairly and honorably, the only reasonable response is to either neglect all business with that organization or accept that you will be screwed. I know that, if I did this to a customer at work, my boss would KILL me. One bad customer is the rule...right?

Well, this dude make sympathetic noises and faces, which calmed me down. He then gave me his card and told me to contact him next week and he would see if they could find me a bobblehead. Now, this doesn't address the actual issue, the shitty refund policy. But it would be a BETTER outcome and I would be an even happier customer. I accepted this (what choice did I have? Stand there and throw a tantrum, which this guy from work giving me a ride, cools his heels and doesn't get home to his friends?) and promised to do so. And I left.

Now, I am furious. I am planning to write several letters next week after I contact them. I will send them to anyone whose address I can find. This guy. The local Paper. The head of the Valleycats. The Head of the Astros Organization. The guys at the MLB Fan Cave. Carlos Lee (1B/OF for the Astros; after his performance on my fantasy team this year, I'm sure he'd be VERY interested in hearing about this.) Shit, I might even send it to Kevin Marshall. But here's the kicker...what will the letter say? Will it say that I was fucked out of $6 from a Single A Minor League Team? Or Will it say that this dude on the card is an excellent employee who get's customer service and is a credit to the ValleyCats and the entire Astros organization? All I want is my $6 back. I'll accept a Bobblehead because my wife will love it. But the gift is ruined on my end. :( And if there is no positive resolution here, so is my relationship with the Valleycats.

Truth be told, I'll be back. Joe Bruno stadium is lovely and I can't afford more'n one Major League trip per year. I won't build my daughter's lifelong love of baseball via The MLB Network and KNBR via satellite radio. (The girl is 3 and a half and she can sing Take Me Out To The Ballgame.) But, this incident, however it resolves, will always color my trips to the Joe. I just hope it ends well...