Pop Music - Top5/Bottom5 - 030110

The Bad:

Taylor Swift - Fifteen/You Belong with Me

I am so sick of Taylor Swift. She's all like "I'm cute and down to earth and my music is so sweet" and my hand actually physically itches with the need to smack her. She is yet another of the myriad of artists over the past 20 years that has eroded the wall between Country Music and Popular Music. That wall exists to protect those of us who don't watch NASCAR from the joys of such artists as Sugarland and Rascal Flatts. I like that wall. I like that anyone who wants to can freely cross it and wallow in the misery of that music all they wish but the rest of us don't have to be subjected to it. And I HATE people who insist on chipping away at that wall. No matter how cute and blonde they may be.

Hey Taylor...let me break it down for you. He's with the cheerleader who doesn't understand him and wears cutesy skirts because she is hot and puts out and, as a football player, he has that privelege. No matter how much you scream about the D and know him better than his mother, he won't want anything to do with you for at least 12 more years. So shut up and wait and take consoliation in marrying him at that time. It's called 'high school'...it's supposed to suck!

Boys Like Girls (feat. Taylor Swift) - Two is better than one

Again with the Taylor Swift! Actually, though I normally like Boys Like Girls, this song sucks even without (or perhaps in spite of) Ms. Swift. It's whiney and it drags on and I expect better from the guys who did Hero/Heroine and Love Drunk. I was even overlooking the fact that their from Boston! Still, this band showed a lot of promise for a Pop group before they went and stunk up the place with this steaming pile of Swift flavored crap. I can only hope that this but a one time lapse in an otherwise storied pop music legacy.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Given the whole 'country' thing, you'd expect this currently ubiquitious song to be on this list. However, this song really invokes a special level of hatred, beyond the regular country thing. First, the word Ante-bellum (latin for pre-war) usually refers to the period of US History between 1789 (the signing of the Constitution) and 1849 (when the downward spiral that would ultimately be the Civil War (get it? 'pre-war') started.) As an African-American, this period of history holds a special place in my heart and I do so love being reminded of it, every chance I get. So...right there, Fuck you Lady Antebellum. You could have called yourselves anything under the sun and that is what you went with? Yeah, kiss my black ass. And don't give

me any bullshit about "honoring the history of the south"...this ain't the General Lee or the Mississippi Flag, this is the name of a band that has 2 dudes and one chick and which starts with 'lady'...there's no other reason than to say fuck me...so fuck you right back.

Now, it could have been an ironic name of a particularly intelligent hip-hop group, but no...it is another formulaic "wall-chipper" band from Nashville formed of a couple of people who figured because they had relatives in the music industry and wanted to wear blue jeans to work without getting their hands dirty, they'd form a band...There's a million of these groups and they all suck but we are lucky enough to only have to be tortured on the high levels of the pop charts by a select few. So, yeah, it sounds like every other shitty, whiney country song that tortures the memory Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings and the rest of the real Country legacy that is out there. Frankly, I'm ready for this song and those bigotted assholes to go away already.

Train - Hey Soul Sister

I don't know why I don't like this song. Something about it just bugs me. I really can't put my finger on it...normally, the "pussy-pop" of Train does appeal to me and I have enjoyed their past songs but I can't get past this one for some reason. This is one of those songs that you hate and then they play it 739 times a day for 6 weeks and you wake up one morning knowing all the words and loving it. Tune in again in 2 months and it will be on the other side and I'll love it.

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want from Me

God, I am so sick of these guys. Fine...you wanna be what you are, that's ok...but don't throw it in my face. I don't care what you do in private but I don't want to have to see it. I don't want to have to have it on my television. Sometimes I feel like the rednecks who like to beat these people up have it right, though I know in my heart that violence doesn't solve anything. I just hate them so much that it consumes me. I just can't get past it. Remember, a few years back, when they used to just hid what they were and we didn't have to be subjected to it...things were so much better then. I wish we could go back to those days but then Simon ruined that for us, didn't he? Oh well, they're here now and there's nothing we can do about it. We can continue to speak out against them and, of course, we won't let them marry, `cause that is a sacred institution, but for the rest, I guess we'll just have to learn to co-exist. I don't like it but that's they way it's gotta be. What? huh? Gay? No, I'm not talking about Gays...I'm talking about American Idol Participants! I HATE American Idol contestants! Gays? naw...gay people are cool.

Daughtry - Life after you (DISHonorable Mention)

Yeah, I know that Daughtry is at 46 right now, so he hardly counts. But Sirius Hits 1 still insists on playing him every 4th fucking song so I'm givin' him the sixslot. I don't think I need to explain...he embodies everything I have bitched about on the top 5 but gathers it up into one concentrated shit stain of an artist. For God's sake, you name your band after yourself! Seriously, Daughtry may rank as God's Third Biggest Mistake (After Chad Kroeger and not enough Large Breasted Asian Women.)

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The Good:

LMFAO (feat Lil Jon) - Shots

God, I do so love this song. What's not to love. It's a dance song. It's a hip hop song. It's got Lil' Jon. It is an ode to extreme intoxication. And it has a chorus that sticks in your head like Kelly Clarkson on a donut. Love it. Can't get enough. Matter of fact, I think I'll sing some right now... "shots-shots-shotsshotsshots-shots-shots-shotsshotsshots-shots-shots- shotsshotsshots! (Everybody!)" Best.Song.Evar.(to play on my mix in the last 4 hours).

B.O.B. (feat Bruno Mars) - Nothing on You

I love Rap Music...It is very enjoyable. But, I am almost 37, so I am at the point where I am disillusioned with rap music in general and with its participation in pop music. I mean, Ice-T is like 50 something, Ice Cube is making family comedies and Easy-E is dead (God rest his soul). Even Outkast is on sabbatical and Dr. Dre/Eminem seem like their phonin' it in. So what are we left with? Ludacris (who is awesome.) Lil Wayne' (he's hot but he's up on possession charges...I mean, he didn't even shoot anybody.) couple other mediocre guys (If you say Black Eyed Peas, you lose a testicle.) Most of the new, pop/rap stuff is shit though. There, I said it.

If you want to make a pop/rap combo hit today...and have it not suck donkey balls, you need to mix in a little ole school...give it a smooth r&b cushion and keep it relaxed. Plies tries to do this a lot (and fails horribly) but this new song "Nothing on You" by B.O.B. does an excellent job of it. It is just "rap" enough to be cool and just smooth enough to be "pop." I am really enjoying this song right now and I hope it does well enough that all the biters do a passable job of imitating it.

David Guetta (feat Akon) - Sexy Bitch

I love the beat. I love the Dance Feel. I love what David Guetta is doing in general and this song just draws you in and makes you nod your head and tap your foot without even realizing it. This is one you turn up when it comes on (You don't turn up Shots! when it comes on cuz Lil Jon makes the baby cry.)

Kris Allen - Live Like we're dying

White Male Pop Artists are disposable. And they should be. Every one of them should be one-hit wonders. Like that guy in Bridget Jones' Diary...her friend. (Yeah, I saw Bridget Jones' Diary, what of it?) Remember, he had one hit in the 80s and quit because he realized that one hit was enough to get him laid for the rest of his life. That's how it should be. I don't like how the white males of todays' pop have been reduced to gimmicks (Timberlake), butt buddies (98 Degrees) and faux rock (a real rock band would KICK YOUR ASS, Daughtry) to try and make careers...just have your one hit and go get laid the rest of your life. It was good enough for Tom Cochrane and Marc Cohn and it should be good enough for you. There won't be another Elvis, so quit tryin.

Kris Allen gets that. This song is smooth, energetic and uplifting...and he sings it like singing is goin' out of style, cuz, most probably, for him, it is. Let it not be said that I don't appreciate white music...I do...it just has to be done well. And, in this song, Allen does it well.

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

I want your horror, I want your design. Cuz you're a criminal, as long as you're mine. I want your love. Love, love, love, I want your love. I don't understand how you can NOT love Lady Gaga. She's on like her 6 or 7th hit and they're each more awesomer (yeah, I said it.) than the last. Bad Romance is the song that you can't not sing along with. It's the song that you can't be sad when it's on. It makes you feel like living. Lady Gaga has transcended God's intentions to be sexy inspite of herself...and she did it without surgery. She's like my hero. and if you STILL don't like Lady Gaga (Pete!) then it's just because you haven't heard @derryx and @allthingsellie do her.

Cascada - Evacuate the Dance floor (Honorable Mention)

My favorite song right now. I know it's bleeding across the line into the dreaded 'old' status...I think it's been out more than a year...but I just love hearing it. It's a blast.