Fear...

I'm scared...

It's early in the morning and I am going to work on a day I have feared for a long time (probably 2 weeks...) I am terrified that I am going to be fired today...

My boss is visiting the location where I work. He doesn't work out of this office and, though we converse via email every day, I don't seem more than once every couple of months. He is the owner of the company and the only person higher on the organizational chart than me. So, if I am to be fired, he is the one to do it...(I suppose he could delegate it to one of my two contemporaries, but that isn't his style...)

I know some of you are picturing Jan Levinson from the Office (mmm...Melora Hardin...) but don't. It isn't nearly that cool....my boss is demanding and tough. He places stringent requirements on every person in the company. At my level, it isn't just about my job performance but about the kind of person I am (and you know, as a reader of this blog, that I am not a good person). He is just a very tough boss...

Before you feel sorry for me (perhaps, joining the club?), it is tempered. I am very well paid (when the company is doing well, a lot of my pay is performance based) and there are a lot of perks. My boss is a friend...I have worked for him for 12 years and worked for this company for 10 (since only 6 weeks after it was started.) He was a groomsman in my wedding, for God's sake.

Further, I haven't received any warnings about my performance in probably 10 months. I had a annual job review in January and all the results were satisfactory. If anything, he graded me higher than I graded myself (we do one on ourselves, too.) The company is not doing that great but we are in "survival" mode and we are surviving. Making tough decisions but good ones to move forward and be successful. Additionally, the company is suffering from a dearth of leadership and empowered individuals. By all logic, it wouldn't be the best decision to fire me, at this point in time...

Still, I am worried...a lot. Why? Well, for one, I am ALWAYS worried about being fired. A lot of our company is...this is a weakness of our culture that I, as a leader, have never been successful in diagnosing. I am sure it comes from the fact that we follow the axiom "Slow to hire, quick to fire". We are also ENORMOUSLY performance and metrics based...there are clear numbers to hit and we haven't been hitting them...something that hasn't been this consistant in most of my time with the company. Oh yeah, and the regular meeting that my boss always schedules with me during his visits was moved from 11 am to a timeslot that ends at 5 pm. Always be wary of meetings that end at 5 pm. :(

So, I am scared...

Oh well...wish me luck.

-gen

P.S. Sorry, this wasn't funny. There weren't even boobs. I guess they can't all be gems...