The Future...

OK...it's official and public knowledge...I was right. :( I was terminated on the afternoon of Wednesday, April 8th, 2009. This was very difficult for me. As I said before, I have worked for this company for just under 10 years. I have worked for the owner for 12 years. I can't explain exactly what I am feeling...all I know it is BAD. Failure...loss...it is very tough to put into words. I guess a bit part of it is Fear, too...fear of the unknown...fear that I won't be able to get another job and support my family. It is absolutely terrifying. For the evening after it happened, I was basically crippled with fear...I could barely function. Yesterday (Thursday, the day after) was a little better. I still felt pretty worthless whenever I looked at my little girl but on the whole I felt better. Of course, no one at work knew, so everything was normal. The announcement was made yesterday afternoon and now a lot of people are acting weird...like I am going to die or something. Oh well...I think I am better. I am working on my resume and looking online...getting ready to start sending out resumes...etc. Trying to stay positive and reinforce my hope.

Still, it has been a week, huh. As I drove to work, I was reflecting on all that is going on and trying to find the positives in my life. As T.I. said "E'rybody right here, what you need to do...is be thankful for the life you got, y'knowmsayin'? Stop lookin' at what you ain't got, Start being thankful for what you do got." (Much love Bro'...As Lawrence in Office Space said, Watch out for your corn hole.) So I just thought about all the loss that has gone on in the past couple of days...

Maggie Spohr (2007-2009)

Daughter of Mike and Heather Spohr. Heather Spohr has a blog about her life with Maggie and Mike. I never read it much...just the odd entry that Cute~Ella would forward over...(I'm not big into family blogs). I can't read it now...like Maggie, my daughter was born premature (though not nearly as much) and honestly, just trying to read anything about Maggie is too much for me...the emotion overwhelms me...maybe it is in conjunction with the firing but I can't manage it. My heart really goes out to these people I don't even know who have lost their daughter.
(check out http://www.thespohrsaremultiplying.com/ if you can get it to work and if you can take it)

Nick Adenhart (1986-2009)

Rookie Pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. He was killed in a car accident on Wednesday out...after pitching 6 scoreless innings on Wednesday night. The cause of the accident...a 22 year old idiot was driving drunk and ran a red light and hit him. What a tragic loss...and what a stupid way to go. Why are we still driving drunk? This is a solvable problem and we aren't solving it...America's love affair with cars has gotten out of hand. We need to lower the drinking age to 18, we need to subsidize cabs for intoxicated people to eliminate any consideration of a financial motivation and we need to lock the stupid motherfuckers who are still doing this up for REAL penalties...like the Europeans do. Three people are dead because this guy hasn't learned to deal with alcohol, wanted to save $40 on a cab and didn't fear the reprisal of our justice system. *sigh* Adenhart's father, according to ESPN, visited the team yesterday and told them, "Thank you for raising my son." (Adenhart had been in the Angels Organization since he was 18.)

Jesus Christ (0-33 AD)

Was wondering why there was no traffic this morning...it's Good Friday. `Round about Nineteen hundred and seventy six years ago, the Son of God submitted himself to the judgement of the "people" (some argument `bout who the "people" were, I won't get into it...) and was crucified on the cross. As I understand it, and I'm no biblical scholar, he did this as a symbolic sacrifice for my sins. Some don't belive this...I do. Further, I am a sinner...not in the sense of All of us are sinners because Eve craved fruit...I am a weak person and subject to temptation very easily. I am also, according to some, not a very nice person and not very good to my fellow man. If anyone needed some help in this regard, it'd be me. Now, there's a happy ending...dude was the Son of God, after all...But the act itself pretty much sucked as much as anything can suck...Read up on it...or see that Mel Gibson movie (I can't watch it, personally.) and you'll see that it was a pretty shitty time. But he did it...for you and me. That's pretty cool, as far as I am concerned...Thanks, Jesus...in the words of the great Joe Gural, "Good lookin' out."

This is like...today, yesterday and the day before. So, I lost my job...so what. I'll be alright. I'll find something else...I'll put my heart and soul into it and be successful again...Me and my family will be healthy...I'll leave you with the words of the Grateful Dead...

Must be getting early, clocks are running late.

Paint my love a morning sky, its all cold.

Dawn is breaking everywhere, light a candle, curse the glare

Draw the curtains I dont care, but its all right

I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

I see youve got your list out, say your piece and kiss off.

Guess I get the gist of it, but its all right

Oh well anyway, sorry that you feel that way.

Every silver linings got a touch of grey

I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

Its a lesson to me, the ablers and the beggars and the thieves

The abcs we all think of, try to win a little love.

I know the rent is in arrears, the dog has not been fed in years

Its even worse than it appears, but its all right

Cow is giving kerosene, kid cant read at seventeen

The words he knows are all obscene, but its all right

I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

Shoe is on the hand that fits, thats all there really is to it

Whistle through your teeth and spit, but its all right
Oh well a touch of grey, kinda suits you anyway,

Thats all I had to say, but its all right

I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

Its a lesson to me, the devils and the east and the free

The abcs we all must face, try to save a little grace.

Have a good weekend.

-gen

P.S. I was kicking around the idea of joking about Kanye's EGO being another loss this week but my heart isn't in joking and I haven't seen the South Park yet, so...*sigh*